The 3 types of anger every therapist wants you to understand
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I need to tell you something that might surprise you - I'm pro-anger. When clients come to therapy saying they felt angry, I get excited because anger is information, and I want to understand what it's trying to tell us. Too many people walk into my office ashamed of their anger, wanting to "fix" it rather than understand it.
In this episode, I break down my theory of the three types of anger. First, anger is a protective coating over vulnerable emotions, like a bodyguard when we're actually feeling small and scared. Second, boundary violation anger when our clearly expressed needs aren't met (hello, maternal rage). And third, righteous anger - that visceral response to injustice that moves us toward what's right.
This isn't about encouraging aggression. It's about reclaiming anger as valid information that deserves our attention. Your anger has meaning - let's figure out what it's trying to say.
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In this episode, I break down my theory of the three types of anger. First, anger is a protective coating over vulnerable emotions, like a bodyguard when we're actually feeling small and scared. Second, boundary violation anger when our clearly expressed needs aren't met (hello, maternal rage). And third, righteous anger - that visceral response to injustice that moves us toward what's right.
This isn't about encouraging aggression. It's about reclaiming anger as valid information that deserves our attention. Your anger has meaning - let's figure out what it's trying to say.
Follow Carly on:
Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw
Chapters
- 00:00 Introduction to being pro-anger and normalizing anger
- 02:26 Emotions as packages and information from our brain
- 04:46 Three main reasons why we feel angry
- 05:08 Anger as secondary emotion protecting vulnerable feelings
- 09:36 How men often express anger to mask vulnerability
- 11:14 Anger masking shame and perfectionist feelings
- 12:13 Creating safety to express vulnerable feelings underneath anger
- 12:52 Key question: "What is hard for you about this moment?"
- 13:20 Maternal rage and mom rage in postpartum experiences
- 14:24 Anger when boundaries are violated or needs unmet
- 16:45 Boundary overload and the 11th moment of the day
- 17:59 Proper boundary setting requires physical action
- 21:12 Self-care boundaries and relationship with yourself
- 23:32 Tracking back to find the root of anger explosions
- 27:38 Righteous anger about injustice and social issues
- 32:17 Racism and sexism as triggers for righteous anger
- 35:00 What to do with anger once you understand it
- 35:42 Anger as movement emotion requiring action
- 36:31 Physical movement and exercise for anger release
- 38:39 External actions required for different anger types
- 39:39 Taking action against injustice within your capacity
