From caterpillar to butterfly: The metamorphosis of motherhood that no one talks about
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I'm going solo today to talk about a book that has absolutely changed my life - Lucy Jones' "Matrescence." This is the book I wish someone had told me to read before I had my first baby seven years ago. I read it on holiday like a page-turner novel, completely captivated by how it put words to experiences I'd never been able to articulate.
Matrescence is like adolescence - a profound metamorphosis involving massive neurological and hormonal changes. Lucy brilliantly compares it to a caterpillar in its cocoon, in that gooey phase where you're neither who you were nor who you're becoming. We understand and support teenagers through their transformation, but leave mothers to navigate an equally dramatic change alone.
I explore why this concept should be part of every birth conversation, how we've misinterpreted attachment theory to pressure mothers even more, and why keeping another human alive is actually a massive psychological task. This gets political - it's about changing how society treats the most important work we do.
Resources:
Check Matrescence: On the Metamorphosis of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood by Lucy Jones: https://www.amazon.com/Matrescence-Childbirth-Motherhood-Lucy-Jones/dp/0593317319
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Matrescence is like adolescence - a profound metamorphosis involving massive neurological and hormonal changes. Lucy brilliantly compares it to a caterpillar in its cocoon, in that gooey phase where you're neither who you were nor who you're becoming. We understand and support teenagers through their transformation, but leave mothers to navigate an equally dramatic change alone.
I explore why this concept should be part of every birth conversation, how we've misinterpreted attachment theory to pressure mothers even more, and why keeping another human alive is actually a massive psychological task. This gets political - it's about changing how society treats the most important work we do.
Resources:
Check Matrescence: On the Metamorphosis of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood by Lucy Jones: https://www.amazon.com/Matrescence-Childbirth-Motherhood-Lucy-Jones/dp/0593317319
Follow Carly on:
Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw
Chapters
- 00:00 Introduction to Matrescence by Lucy Jones book discussion
- 01:13 Why this book changed everything about understanding motherhood
- 03:02 The book every parent should read before having a baby
- 03:35 Why Matrescence isn't part of our cultural understanding
- 04:12 Myth of continuity of self during motherhood transition
- 05:51 Alexandra Sacks and the concept of psychological unraveling
- 06:54 Caterpillar to butterfly metamorphosis analogy
- 08:32 Supporting mothers during the vulnerable "goo" phase
- 10:05 Matrescence versus adolescence comparison
- 11:41 How society understands and supports teenage behavior
- 12:44 Neurological changes during adolescence
- 15:19 Physiological changes parallel between puberty and motherhood
- 16:47 Why women's experiences are under-researched
- 17:47 How society should treat mothers like teenagers
- 18:30 Pressure to make "right" choices during pregnancy
- 19:54 Post-birth focus on baby rather than mother
- 20:52 Physical recovery and the placenta wound nobody discusses
- 22:12 Society's focus on appearance versus maternal wellbeing
- 23:44 Matrescence takes years not weeks to complete
- 24:39 Why mothers can't describe their transformation process
- 26:54 Motherhood as political experience and source of power
- 28:34 Innate maternal abilities and societal isolation
- 30:29 Making maternal contributions visible
- 30:58 Misinterpretation of Bowlby's Attachment Theory
- 32:56 Modern pressure versus tribal support systems
- 34:51 Nuclear families versus historical tribal child-rearing
- 36:34 Violence against mothers in modern society
- 37:17 Lucy Jones quote about feeling shipwrecked
- 38:58 Epidemic of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders
- 40:18 Existential anxiety of keeping babies alive
- 42:07 Primary maternal preoccupation explained
- 43:02 Phantom baby cries and hypervigilance
- 44:35 When maternal anxiety becomes overwhelming
- 45:23 Normalizing maternal worry and need for support
